I never realized how mentally consuming children are in terms of worrying about their happiness. As a parent, I feel every ‘slight’ that my little guy experiences.
Early on, I used to get this feeling in my stomach because I’d take everything that happened to him personally. This could be the littlest thing, like when my littleman didn’t get picked for a team, or not invited to a party; I wanted to call that other parent up and say, ‘What do you mean he’s not invited?’ I’d take it to heart and then I’d have to console my child as well. In reality, I think I was trying to console myself.
I had to learn not to take it so personally. That came naturally as I got more experienced as a parent. I had to understand that my child is not me. Children have a different personality of their own – and wants and wishes of their own. Maybe he didn’t want to go to that party. I needed to be able to separate myself in that way so I wouldn’t take every ‘slight’ against my child as if it were made against me, or even as a ‘slight’. Sometimes you just can’t invite them all! I also had to learn that it also had nothing to do with my situation as a single parent, which took me a long time. We live in an area where most children live with 2 parents…not many single moms around here! That being said, it took a long time for me to stop being so selfconscious and stop thinking he wasn’t getting invited because of our situation. It had nothing to do with that at all! In fact he gets picked/invited/made a part of things all the time! It’s just those 1 or 2 times that we see and stew over…but hey, when ‘we’ do things ‘we’ have to pick who gets invited too!
Now, as a wiser parent, I still worry about my littleman’s happiness and still wonder what I can do to make it even better…but I don’t take disappointments personally and have discovered (not so shockingly) that he’s going to be just fine…..
Aww what a good mommy. Are you a Cancer? They are pretty much the “eternal mothers of the zodiac.” My mom is a Cancer and she always had that reaction when one of us was hurt/upset. We loved her for it, but my Pisces self always felt guilty for making my mom sad when I was sad.
I’m just barely starting to experience this socialization at the neighborhood playground. Watching your 2-year old get shoved around is NOT easy.
Comment by pisceshanna — July 17, 2008 @ 12:00 pm |
I can see I will have a hard time with this. I have a hard time now. Hopefully I will realize it when you do.
Comment by Shiona — July 17, 2008 @ 7:20 pm |
Excellent post….you made some very valid points that I think we all share. It’s nice to know it does get a little easier with time….
Comment by SBS — July 18, 2008 @ 7:37 am |
Why thank you ladies…..
PH – nope..I a Sag but my littleman is a Pisces
SBS – it does get easier…it never goes away, but gets easier
Comment by littlemansmom — July 18, 2008 @ 8:58 am |
I agree…it’s so hard to watch your children just handle normal social interactions. It’s like you want to protect them from everything, but know you can’t. Did our moms feel this way?
Comment by shannon — July 18, 2008 @ 1:13 pm |
Oh my gosh. I’m SO doing this right *now* with Son. The other day he was trying to join in the fun with some older kids, and they kept ignoring him. (They were significantly older kids–nothing against them.)
The look on his face–the one of “Hey, I think you are super cool, can you play with me?” and then seeing the other kids ignore him? I seriously wanted to cry! At the playground!
I’m seriously so I sensitive (my mom used to say I would get upset if someone looked at me the wrong way) and emphathetic, I’m not sure I’ll ever get better with this, but knowing that it’s possible helps.
Comment by singleworkingmommy — July 18, 2008 @ 11:01 pm |
Once I saw a kid push Benjamin at day care – and I, for the first time ever, felt that mama bear feeling you’re talking about. I just realized in an instant how hard it will be to handle the slights against him by others.
Great post mama!
Comment by mssinglemama — July 22, 2008 @ 11:24 am |